Posts Tagged ‘Mr & Mrs Rat bag’

Mr and Mrs Rat bag!

Monday, August 4th, 2014

Mr & Mrs Rat bag

Have you ever seen a really hairy faced man in your life? One with spikes of hair growing out from every direction. One with food trapped inside the hairs for weeks, as hairy men don’t tend to wash. A man covered in so much greasy dark, rough hair, looks like a jungle. Mr Rat bag was one of these hairy men. He was short and fat, with grey locks flowing down his face like a waterfall. And what I want to know is this…how often do these hairy men wash their faces? Is it only once a week, on Sunday nights? Do they shampoo it or use conditioner? Or do they do it in front of the bathroom mirror, with a pair of nail scissors? The answer is…never, not even on Sundays! As a result, and because Mr Rat bag never washes, there is always some sort of snack berried in the hairs of his face: tin sardines, mushroom and chocolate soup, chicken and toffee surprise and all the other disgusting things Mr Rat bag liked to eat. Whenever you see a hairy man, which will probably be as soon as you step out on to the street, watch closely as he eats because you will see even if he opens his mouth wide he cannot fit a spoonful of whatever he is eating, without leaving some of it around the hairs. Mr Rat bag didn’t even bother to open his mouth wide! This meant he never went hungry. Now, enough about Mr Rat bag, let me introduce you to Mrs Rat bag. 

Mrs Rat bag, now she didn’t have a hairy face and it’s a pity she didn’t because that at any rate would have hidden some of her fearful ugliness. Mrs Rat bag was a nasty piece off work.  She had pale, ghostly skin, brightened up by the red pussy spots she had. Her face was chubby and round, with beady little eyes, staring right at you, making you feel scared. In her right she carried a walking stick. She use to tell people that this was because she had warts growing on her foot and walking was pain full. But the real reason she carried a walking stick was because she liked to hit things, such as cats, dogs and small children! Her clothes Mrs Rat bag’s clothes were all the same. She didn’t have bright and colourful clothes; it was the opposite.  She only owned dull, grey and black long dresses. Her shoes were pointy and always the colour of dog muck. Now, Mrs Rat bag had quite a nice face when she was younger, but the ugliness grew upon her year by year. If you have good thoughts you will be beautiful, if you have bad thoughts you will be hideous. Mrs Rat bag always had bad thoughts. You could have a wonky nose, a crooked mouth, a double chin and stick out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sun beams. Nothing shone out of Mrs Rat bag’s face!  Enough about these nasty people, let’s get on with the story!

Skip to toolbar